We roamed around not thinking where to go. I was immersed on my happiest memories from the past. I was a child again. I trusted the world, everything was about love, and everything was about that day. Sun was as bright as it ever was. Hot day, slight breeze coming from the front, smell of fresh water being sprayed into the sidewalk.
This is why I came to this city, to find a long lost feeling, stripped away by time wasted on others demands and futile expectations. Nothing is ever as we imagine, it is far more beautiful, only if we let things happen.
We found ourselves in a park with the widest field I had ever seen. Dust was in the air. The sun reflecting on the tiny specs created a mist which surrounded the entire space. I could imagine mystical creatures appearing suddenly in front of me. It was magical.
We laid down on the grass. Marcus lights up a cigarette.
I ask him if he will stay in Berlin.
He answers: “Oh, is that where I am?” – And laughs.
I laugh back, thinking that it’s ok to feel a bit lost, it opens our minds to whatever may come.
He continues: “I always feel like there is somewhere else I need to go. But in this city, that place I feel like I need to be, is always within.”
I told him I felt the same.
We kept on talking about our parents and past loves. I felt I was running to know this person. Finish the formality of knowing his past. I just wanted us to focus on the now with a clear mind of knowing who each other were.
A couple of hours passed. We were now under a shade of a tree, the sun was high and the heat too. My wearied mind started to pull me down. I fell asleep.
I dream about a young boy holding hands with me. He points out forward to a playground slide, sitting alone on a endless field of green, under the bluest of skies. The boy runs into the slide while I stand still and watch him play. I feel someone’s arm touching my shoulders from the back. A great warmth grows inside me.
I was aware I was dreaming and still, this was all so familiar, although I knew it was not a memory. What could it be?
I wake up. The sun is now on my back. The park is now full of loud people and music.
I turn to my side to see how Marcus is doing.
He was not there…
I thought I should be feeling more left out and alone, but… I still felt on the infinite green field, surrounded by that warmth… It was love, I guess.
I gazed for a while at the spot he was laying before.
The music snapped me out and I turned my head everywhere.
Suddenly, the feeling was over, every feeling.
A beautiful girl with green eyes looks at me and smiles.
I smile back. Life goes on.