Everything is ready for lift off. Starry sky, the air is dry, a slight hot breeze promised us comfort against the heat but it never delivered. The time is 11pm, an August night. I’m at the top of antenna hill. The gateway to heaven. I can see the entire world merging with the stars. The one’s falling wave at me one last time as they disappear into to the dark.
I lay down on the top of my truck looking at the cosmos and waiting for it to grab me. Grab my imagination and lift me off. A synthetic guitar solo screams from the radio. It’s completely black where I stand, it’s as if I am sitting on a theatre, the lights are all turned into the sky, as the stars perform their beautiful choreography.
I feel home looking up. I imagine myself falling into earth in an era before this one. Timeless. I’ve always been here and I will never disappear. The universe will shape me and do whatever it wants. I will forget, but it will be me. From which dot in the sky I come from? Is it green and blue there, or a myriad of unseen colors? Would I be a stranger amongst the creatures, do they know love? I fuel the ship and set the controls. Final countdown. We have liftoff. All my clothes disintegrate as I rocket to the vastness. My skin, then my flesh, finally my bones. I am now only my own thoughts. My last tears of joy fall down, they are the brightest falling stars in the night, tearing the sky in two as they mark my route.
The human part leaves, the other self, the part that you love but has a life of its own, that can’t love you as much as you love it. All that remains is the divine, an all-powerful presence that touches you and then walks away backwards with its hand stretched, waiting for you to grasp it, but it never stops… it keeps floating away staring back at you. And when it reaches high enough, you along with it, when it passes the atmosphere, when it gets to outer-space, two things can happen: Either your soul have a gravity strong enough to pull you back to earth, or… it doesn’t, and you will be drifting forever in the cold void, looking at the divine stretching its hand to you without you ever reaching it.
Where are all the dreams that people say are among the stars? I only see more space inhaling me to the infinite. I trust my consciousness to the journey ahead. If I get lost enough I will find what I am searching, as so fear will no longer be with me. I will hear the millions of voices crying for answers and they will lead me. I choose to move on.
My voyage begins.