There I was. Hoping and hopping. Eager to get something I don’t want. Apply. Put on your mask and smile. Study your cliché list, memorize it, some jokes maybe? No, too much. Who has time to laugh? Put your head down and let them absorb you. Feel the anxiety mixed with a monochord vomiting of words. Don’t fall asleep, soldier!
Your mamma is counting on you. You are getting to old to eat at her table. Aren’t you tired of being left out?
It’s your fault! You are lazy, inconsistent, you don’t know what you want! Don’t you just wish sometimes the world would align with the full spectrum of things that are actually relevant in this Universe? Like, the absurd, ridiculous miracle that life is. You think too much. No one asked for your opinion. The game is already made, play it or leave it. Your past grabs one arm, the future the other, time stretches you as it passes, and you’re almost teared in two pieces. Stop. Think.
You’re still young. Reset the clock. Round 104.
You’re still young. Reset the clock. Round 104. Put on your smile back. Why am I doing this? Enough, I’m making my stand. Put on your headphones. Walk the streets. Let life drive you where you need to go. Freedom. Why am I doing this? I need to do something. You irresponsible piece of shit. Again, it’s your fault. Stop. Think. Look around. You’re not alone. Let them pass through you, the spectres of a time that didn’t exist. They forgot about their own flesh. Their impenetrable glass eyes cast the darkest of shadows. Their mouths open and the loudest of screams comes out. You have to see it to hear it. Don’t look too much. Every word is a black hole, in their center, their empty souls.
A pale giant hand drags the sky and takes its color away.
I wished at least I could see the sun. The same day spins in circles of grey. A pale giant hand drags the sky and takes its color away. I hear the sound of trees about to come down as the brick buildings plunge into the sky. They are not lifting off, they are falling. I am on the wrong side of the world. I feel the ground no more. On your knees! Grab the floor! And I do. The sidewalk is now my anchor.
Remember you. What do you want? No one gives a shit.
Oh, I wish for some rain! I need the drops to tell me the ground I lay is still the ground the world sits. Stop. Think. What is your name? Remember you. What do you want? No one gives a shit. No one should. You’re still beautiful no matter how much they despise you. The world is not about beauty, until you decide to become the beauty that in it lies. No stopping, no more. I’ve thought enough. And I decided: Me.
Have you ever felt like the ground is swallowing you?
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