Procrastination: Being trapped in a dream world that prevents us from living our dreams on the real one. My life so far was a steady monochord rhythm, two chords repeating day and night. I always thinking how the song would continue. As I turned my face to look at her on that spring afternoon, I heard the strings breaking.
No more music. No more nothing. My body went completely numb.
Good thing I was sitting down, had I been standing I would have looked like a balloon puppet, like the ones in front of the car dealers shops, waving around like I was having a seizure being drunk at the same time. My friend introduced us.
“Maria, this is Joel. Joel this is Maria:” – I just stood there looking at her, for what might have been a good three seconds. I mastered all of my bravery and mental power, just to be able to smile. At least that, so she wouldn’t think I was braindead. She giggled at me.
I was just hoping she wouldn’t find me too awkward.
“Please, give me a break, a man’s heart can only deal with so much.” – That’s what I was thinking. But, in the midst of all that, staring at her eyes, I could see something was going on. For a second, she stopped as well. I sensed a pause in her mind.
In that second, I think we were sent to the same universe.
She couldn’t speak Portuguese, which was fine by me. A lot of my friends were just as curious to talk to her. It wasn’t usual to see new blood on our group, especially one so beautiful. I was restless to have a chance to be alone with her. But, being me, I was metaphorically waiting for a permission for it to happen. I’ve been always too nice in my life, and I was proud of it, in a certain way. No one has ever taught me to respect people so much, I learned it myself. I had and still have, an enormous hate for suffering, mine, but especially in others. I understand now, that we must seize what our heart tell us to seize, even if it creates a moment of pain to others. In the great picture, we could be doing everyone a favor, teaching a lesson, giving an example. Anyway, the chance came. Not by me, but by her. I was leaning on an old van, a bit aside from the group, just thinking about the “what if’s”, sipping my way through a cold one. She came to me. At that moment I was just confused about the why.
So many others were trying to get her attention. Why me? She asked me why was I so quiet. I was compelled to be honest to her. I reply: “I think too much, in the end I’m just silence.” – She liked those words… – “Have you ever thought about writing those thoughts down? I bet you could have a book by now.” – She continued. In fact, that’s what I was doing for many years, in secret, no one knew that, but, I just told her. – “That’s what I do. About the book, well, I don’t know if anyone would be interested in reading it.” – Everything around us was blurred at that point. Sound had become slower. – “I would love to read it.” – She said. She saw beyond my sad skin, heard my thoughts although I didn’t spoke a word of them. How could she do that?
The seagulls again, louder, going in circles around our heads. I wish now I had a ship when I went away, maybe they were just trying to go with me, but I had no sails for them to set down. It is know that they can sense storms coming, I think that’s what it was.
I am now on a land of a different beauty.
Not as bright and vivid, but just as mesmerizing.
Both are lands of poets, different kind of poets.
Read the first Part here
To be continued. Soon.
Du möchtest diesen Artikel auf Deutsch lesen? Klicke hier.