Procrastination: Being trapped in a dream world that prevents us from living our dreams on the real one. My life so far was a steady monochord rhythm, two chords repeating day and night. I always thinking how the song would continue. As I turned my face to look at her on that spring afternoon, I heard the strings breaking.
No more music. No more nothing. My body went completely numb.
Good thing I was sitting down, had I been standing I would have looked like a balloon puppet, like the ones in front of the car dealers shops, waving around like I was having a seizure being drunk at the same time. My friend introduced us.
“Maria, this is Joel. Joel this is Maria:” – I just stood there looking at her, for what might have been a good three seconds. I mastered all of my bravery and mental power, just to be able to smile. At least that, so she wouldn’t think I was braindead. She giggled at me.
I was just hoping she wouldn’t find me too awkward.
“Please, give me a break, a man’s heart can only deal with so much.” – That’s what I was thinking. But, in the midst of all that, staring at her eyes, I could see something was going on. For a second, she stopped as well. I sensed a pause in her mind.
In that second, I think we were sent to the same universe.
She couldn’t speak Portuguese, which was fine by me. A lot of my friends were just as curious to talk to her. It wasn’t usual to see new blood on our group, especially one so beautiful. I was restless to have a chance to be alone with her. But, being me, I was metaphorically waiting for a permission for it to happen. I’ve been always too nice in my life, and I was proud of it, in a certain way. No one has ever taught me to respect people so much, I learned it myself. I had and still have, an enormous hate for suffering, mine, but especially in others. I understand now, that we must seize what our heart tell us to seize, even if it creates a moment of pain to others. In the great picture, we could be doing everyone a favor, teaching a lesson, giving an example. Anyway, the chance came. Not by me, but by her. I was leaning on an old van, a bit aside from the group, just thinking about the “what if’s”, sipping my way through a cold one. She came to me. At that moment I was just confused about the why.
So many others were trying to get her attention. Why me? She asked me why was I so quiet. I was compelled to be honest to her. I reply: “I think too much, in the end I’m just silence.” – She liked those words… – “Have you ever thought about writing those thoughts down? I bet you could have a book by now.” – She continued. In fact, that’s what I was doing for many years, in secret, no one knew that, but, I just told her. – “That’s what I do. About the book, well, I don’t know if anyone would be interested in reading it.” – Everything around us was blurred at that point. Sound had become slower. – “I would love to read it.” – She said. She saw beyond my sad skin, heard my thoughts although I didn’t spoke a word of them. How could she do that?
The seagulls again, louder, going in circles around our heads. I wish now I had a ship when I went away, maybe they were just trying to go with me, but I had no sails for them to set down. It is know that they can sense storms coming, I think that’s what it was.
I am now on a land of a different beauty.
Not as bright and vivid, but just as mesmerizing.
Both are lands of poets, different kind of poets.
Read the first Part here
To be continued. Soon.