Whether in religion, spirituality or neuroscience: Happiness is happiness. Even if our ideas and feelings differ, we all long for it. But sometimes happiness seems to have fallen a bit by the wayside. Above all in the wild everyday life, between occupation and partnership. How can one finally become happy again and why does it fail? We met with Mr. Dallwitz Wegner a happiness researcher and asked the expert for advice on “eternal happiness”.
Mr Dallwitz-Wegner, as a luck researcher you must be very familiar with the subject of happiness. What exactly does the term mean?
As far as “happiness” is concerned, we often confuse fantasy and reality. “To be rich? Rich people also suffer from depression. “The main thing is health”. You certainly know people in your environment who are healthy, but who usually spread a bad mood. If not, then what is happiness? After years of dealing with the subject, I come to a simple conclusion: happiness is when you feel happy. And here I don’t just mean the small moments of happiness in everyday life, but also the life satisfaction that arises from a meaningful and communal life. I hope that at some point we will be able to say that the general public also has such an understanding of happiness. This raises the question of how we can reliably and sustainably achieve more moments of happiness and life satisfaction.
How can “eternal happiness” be integrated into normal everyday life?
Truth being said: We cannot always have feelings of happiness. Nothing lasts forever. Crises happen. Instead of desiring eternal happiness we should be more modest. We should strive for more small feelings of happiness and live the values of our life bit by bit. The more beautiful mosaic stones we put together, the more splendid the whole picture of our life becomes. Through training we can become not only physically, but also mentally fitter. We can train moments of happiness and life satisfaction. How to do this, that is what I teach successfully in my seminars.
What is the secret for a long-lasting partnership?
My formula for happiness is: “Reaching meaningful goals together and having fun at the same time”. A long-lasting partnership therefore has two big aspects: Keep joy/fun alive and achieve meaningful/valuable goals. For joy, for example, this means experiencing beautiful things together (excursions, small adventures, gratitude for everyday things). For sense and values it is important to become clear about the bigger goals and the common values. Is loyalty important to me? Trust, honesty or personal responsibility of the children? A meaningful profession? Supporting these values together and having fun is the basis of a good and long-lasting partnership. This basis helps to master difficult moments and to enjoy the good ones.
Why does happiness fail in so many partnerships? Where do you see the problems?
Partnerships have a history. In the beginning they are very exciting, then we get to know each other better and better. Over time, a partnership can face major challenges such as raising children, losing a job, alienation, and aberrations. One is surprised that problems emerge that didn’t seem to exist in the beginning. Often one feels not understood and respected by the partner. Often you just feel overwhelmed. Frequent problems are quarrels, misunderstandings, jealousy, breach of trust, alienation/neglect, you miss the feeling of being in love. In order to master the problems, we need common resources and abilities. In my opinion, the most important skills for a long-lasting good partnership are the following:
- Have a general awareness that you have to do something for a good relationship
- Create moments of happiness
- Practice respect, gratitude and good communication
- Understanding each other’s values and expressing one’s own
- Achieving common goals
Those who bring such abilities can be congratulated without envy. For all others it means, together meaningful abilities train and thereby joy have So equal this week begin 🙂
About Dominik Dallwitz-Wegner
Dominik Dallwitz-Wegner is a graduate sociologist and since 2007 speaker, seminar leader, coach and author in the field of happiness research, mediator between science and practice. His topics: Positive communication, value development, personality development. For many years he was on the board of the European Network for Positive Psychology (ENPP) and co-founder of the Fritz Schubert Institute, with which he now cooperates.
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