Interview with laura (alias). Text: MASHA
A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship that requires a lot of energy. I know it, I was in one. I met him in Paris, but he was from Berlin. After two months he invited me to move in with him. So we planned and organized everything together and I moved to him in the capital. Although we knew each other so little, everything felt so incredibly real and intense. His life impressed me, it was exciting and charming but at the same time chaotic and planned. He is a DJ and producer and therefore on the road every weekend.
The initial glaze disappeared and quickly I felt lonely in the strange city, without friends. In addition, I was dependent on him: the apartment belonged to him and I couldn’t pay rent because I was looking for a job. His behavior towards me also changed suddenly when I moved in with him. Instead of supporting me, he enjoyed my addiction and felt the power he had over me. Every little argument escalated completely. He packed my things and kicked me out every time. My self-confidence suffered and I fell into a total depression.
However, he liked my condition, at least I had the feeling that it was so. Due to our absolutely excessive relationship we had very strong highs and accordingly strong lows. With time he became more and more aggressive and disrespectful. Nevertheless I did not give up hope that he could improve and we could work on it.
But he continued to enjoy the cat-and-mouse game and I slowly realized how much he drained me out. He needed the fighting, his ego needed that sick balance of power and so he provoked me every time he could. The more I wanted to change and save the relationship, the more he distanced himself from me. Finally he left me. Everything I had worked for was in vain. All future visions and plans with him had disappeared. Everything I wanted to keep was now long gone. I had the feeling that I had been a part of his moods and knew I had adapted too much. After the separation he replaced me immediately. There I noticed that he was so poisonous to all women and only capable of toxic relationships. Today I am glad that this happened to me. I am much more careful in choosing men. Once again it does not happen to me.
Since he left, I realize how much more energy I have. I have now completely arrived in Berlin, I live in a great shared flat, work successfully as a freelancer and am ready for a new experience, a great love waiting for me out there. A love for someone who doesn’t oppress and manipulate me, but respects me and meets me at eye level.
What does a toxic relationship means to you? Leave us a comment!
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