I felt like the boat had set sail and it had left me behind. I had to jump from the pier into the water and swim as fast as I could to find it. There was no turning back, either I would drown or I would reach her. The next morning was supposed to be like my every morning in the past three hundred years. Wake up, be miserable about life, get up, be miserable about life even more, get some toasts and juice, ending up just taking a bite and spending the remaining five minutes of breakfast time thinking about my poor life choices.
“Sometimes taking the risk is more painful than actually losing the bet.”
But it wasn’t. This time I didn’t got up, this time I wasn’t thinking about every stupid thing I had done to that point, I was thinking about every stupid thing I could do from now on, so stupid that they might make me happy. Finally. I worked in an insurance company, taking calls, typing data, wishing that my life would end before I could get to the office. A merciful death. That morning I decided I wasn’t going back there, no matter the consequences. Love indeed can set you free. Sometimes taking the risk is more painful than actually losing the bet.
“Love is the feeling that makes you forget the risk, it breaks the scale and spills the fear into the ground”
Love is the feeling that makes you forget the risk, it breaks the scale and spills the fear into the ground. Fear has no purpose in a life full of love. But somehow, in the back of my mind, I still felt that this decision was “stupid”, not that it was wrong, but, something was telling me I shouldn’t do it, a nagging voice in the back of my head. With fear out of the equation, the voice became like coming out of a baby sparrow squeaking for its life. I just ignored it, knowing that that voice was just an echo of an ego conditioned by a set of rules it did not choose to follow, an environment it did not choose to live in, and a future of which it did not ever dreamt of living on. I just stood there on my bed planning my escape route, waiting for a word from her, each one she offered me was an everlasting energy. This is the power I never had before. Feeling sorry for myself suddenly had no excuse.
“They knew I was saying goodbye, in my own way. Words don’t mean anything, when something is real you can feel it, and so can everyone around you.”
When I finally got up, I put on my favorite clothes and went out. I had a proud feeling mixed with freedom. I was finally doing something out of my own will. I walked and walked, every street that meant something for me, I walked it. I was making sure I printed every image and smell on my mind. I was taking mementos for my ride. I felt like revisiting this old city like I was seeing it for the first in many years, but I hadn’t left it yet. Everyone around me felt it. They were calling me at first, but soon they became quiet. They knew I was saying goodbye, in my own way. Words don’t mean anything, when something is real you can feel it, and so can everyone around you.
“She knew I was back, and she knew that it was time to let me go.”
Her words kept on coming. A mermaid’s call, but drowning was not my final fate. That was only the beginning. My mother, that for so long had tried to make me happy, knowing that all she could do was only that, try, understood that for the first time, I was the boy she knew when I was growing up. Distracted from the world, but more in touch with it than the average boy. Happy with his own mind. Caring and baring gifts for others. She knew I was back, and she knew that it was time to let me go.
“I’ve plunged into the unknown with the biggest certainty I’d ever had on my life. I loved her.”
Two weeks later, she made me company to the airport. I was terrified of planes. Only the vision of them landed on the asphalt made me shiver. I’ve inherited many fears from her and she was bound to make emends for me. As much as she didn’t want to see me go, she wouldn’t let me flinch with the fear of boarding the flying machine. And again, Maria’s voice, again the calling. I’ve plunged into the unknown with the biggest certainty I’d ever had on my life. I loved her.
Three hours after I was in her arms.
What was the biggest risk you took in life?
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Pedro is the founder of Literaa Poetry and the better half of Masha. He loves Fiction and loves to dive into worlds beyond reality.
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