Spring of life – Part I

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I traded seagulls for ravens. On my backpack I had three days worth of clothes, and a toothbrush. On my heart I had a lifetime worth of dreams. I waited too long for this, and I wonder why… I don’t want to think that I was too long trapped in my fears, in my anxiety, such a cliché, right? I mean, being so aware of the cockroaches on my head I should have known better, shouldn’t I?

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Verschütteter Wein

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Wie viele meiner Gedanken sind nur verschütteter Wein? Versprechungen für eine leere Zukunft, die nur zu Flecken wurden. Sie werden immer da sein, um mich daran zu erinnern, wer ich war und welches Leben ich damals angestrebt habe. Sie kommen aus einer Zeit, in der ich immer daran dachte, wie viel ich bereits erreicht hatte. Mein junger Verstand konnte nicht zusammenbrechen, das Glück war immer durch das Versprechen der Zeit präsent. Ich sah die kommenden Tage wie Sternbilder hoch oben am Nachthimmel.
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I’m naive and I’m fine with it.

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I’m naive. Very much. I didn’t notice that before, because I could blame it on my age. There it was still justified. Childlike carelessness. “Yes well, she’s still 17, she’s still learning that,” they said at the time. Meanwhile I’m 27 and it hasn’t got any better. Their head shaking. Always the same. And then there’s this slightly suggested smile and this: “Sweet.”
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Ich bin naiv und das ist gut so

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“Bei dem Wort Liebe fangen meine Augen an zu glühen.”

Ich bin naiv. Sogar sehr. Früher ist das nicht so aufgefallen, da konnte ich das noch auf mein Alter schieben. Da war es noch gerechtfertigt. Kindlicher Leichtsinn halt. „Ja gut, sie ist ja noch 17, sie lernt das schon noch“, haben sie damals gesagt. Mittlerweile bin ich 27 und es ist kein Stück besser geworden. Dieses Kopfschütteln. Immer dasselbe. Und dazu noch dieses leicht angedeutete Lächeln und dieses: „Süß.“ Continue reading “Ich bin naiv und das ist gut so”

The Big Drop

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There I was. Hoping and hopping. Eager to get something I don’t want. Apply. Put on your mask and smile. Study your cliché list, memorize it, some jokes maybe? No, too much. Who has time to laugh? Put your head down and let them absorb you. Feel the anxiety mixed with a monochord vomiting of words. Don’t fall asleep, soldier!
Your mamma is counting on you. You are getting to old to eat at her table. Aren’t you tired of being left out?

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The Voyager II

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I’ve been floating for years only with the sound of my own voice. It shouts inside my head like in a long hall: “Is there anybody out there?” – The sound travels afar and it fades. Where am I? The smells, the faces, they are gone. My memory leaked into space, year by year, leaving an invisible trace. The route back is lost. Continue reading “The Voyager II”

Oscars Tag Teil II

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Mit jedem Besuch alterte sie immer mehr, mit jenem Mal verließ sie auch die Schönheit. Ihre Augen waren rot angelaufen und glänzend, wenn sie ihm Gegenüber saß. Er wusste, dass es seinetwegen war und auch das es nicht das Einzige Mal war wo er sie zum weinen gebracht hat. Als er sie damals heiratete liebte er sie, zumindest verspürte er eine Zuneigung ihr gegenüber. Sie war hübsch und warmherzig. Continue reading “Oscars Tag Teil II”

Oscars Day Part II

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With each visit she aged more and more, with that time beauty had also left her. Her eyes were red and shiny when she sat opposite him. He knew it was because of him and that it was not the only time he made her cry. When he married her he loved her, at least he felt an affection for her. She was pretty and warm-hearted. She was from a legal family and had money. Her grandfather left an inheritance and that was very convenient for him because he had a lot of debts.

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The Voyager Part I

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Everything is ready for lift off. Starry sky, the air is dry, a slight hot breeze promised us comfort against the heat but it never delivered. The time is 11pm, an August night. I’m at the top of antenna hill. The gateway to heaven. I can see the entire world merging with the stars. The one’s falling wave at me one last time as they disappear into to the dark.

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From the fairy tale of fear

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She can’t breathe. Crawling to get some air. A rope is wrapped around her throat. She’s trying to break from it. With every breath she feels the narrowness. The pulse stops as the rope tightens. Millions of insects crawling and spreading all over her body. As he slowly strokes her shoulder, each of her limbs shrugs.

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