How many of my thoughts are just spilled wine? Promises of a future that became stains. They will always be there for me to remember who I was and the life I aspired. They come from a time where I used to think how much I had already accomplished. My young mind was impossible to break down, happiness was always present due to the promise of time. I looked to days to come like constellations high above in the night sky. What is there to find out? How long would it take me to get there? How small was I compared to them, how big can I grow? Continue reading “Spilled wine”
I’m naive. Very much. I didn’t notice that before, because I could blame it on my age. There it was still justified. Childlike carelessness. “Yes well, she’s still 17, she’s still learning that,” they said at the time. Meanwhile I’m 27 and it hasn’t got any better. Their head shaking. Always the same. And then there’s this slightly suggested smile and this: “Sweet.”
Continue reading “I’m naive and I’m fine with it.”
There I was. Hoping and hopping. Eager to get something I don’t want. Apply. Put on your mask and smile. Study your cliché list, memorize it, some jokes maybe? No, too much. Who has time to laugh? Put your head down and let them absorb you. Feel the anxiety mixed with a monochord vomiting of words. Don’t fall asleep, soldier!
Your mamma is counting on you. You are getting to old to eat at her table. Aren’t you tired of being left out?
Continue reading “The Big Drop”
I’ve been floating for years only with the sound of my own voice. It shouts inside my head like in a long hall: “Is there anybody out there?” – The sound travels afar and it fades. Where am I? The smells, the faces, they are gone. My memory leaked into space, year by year, leaving an invisible trace. The route back is lost. Continue reading “The Voyager II”
With each visit she aged more and more, with that time beauty had also left her. Her eyes were red and shiny when she sat opposite him. He knew it was because of him and that it was not the only time he made her cry. When he married her he loved her, at least he felt an affection for her. She was pretty and warm-hearted. She was from a legal family and had money. Her grandfather left an inheritance and that was very convenient for him because he had a lot of debts.
Continue reading “Oscars Day Part II”
Everything is ready for lift off. Starry sky, the air is dry, a slight hot breeze promised us comfort against the heat but it never delivered. The time is 11pm, an August night. I’m at the top of antenna hill. The gateway to heaven. I can see the entire world merging with the stars. The one’s falling wave at me one last time as they disappear into to the dark.
Continue reading “The Voyager Part I”
I love Oscar Wilde. And for a while I read his whole biography, read all his books and almost devoured him as a person. That’s a little story about him, from my perspective. A monologue from the time in prison.
Continue reading “Oscars Day Part I”