A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship that requires a lot of energy. I know it, I was in one. I met him in Paris, but he was from Berlin. After two months he invited me to move in with him. So we planned and organized everything together and I moved to him in the capital. Although we knew each other so little, everything felt so incredibly real and intense. His life impressed me, it was exciting and charming but at the same time chaotic and planned. He is a DJ and producer and therefore on the road every weekend.
Funny how naive we were. We had dreams, goals, plans. We were so convinced of it. Do a trip around the world with the old VW bus. Only with a tent and a backpack. To be independent, to live freedom – for the day. To hitchhike when money is tight, set up a tent somewhere in nowhere. Both of us for eternity. So sure.
In the best case, a couple is a unit, a team or a symbiosis. Together, they manage any emerging crisis according to the motto: “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. But what we should not forget is that a couple still consists of two individuals. Between children, work and household tasks, the partner sometimes fades into the background. Especially in long-term relationships it requires more and more strength and energy. We talked to the couple therapist Mrs. Otto and wanted to know what the reasons are and how to avoid living apart.
Some people are familiar with such relationships, some are themselves stuck in one: sometimes we get caught in people who definitely do us no good; a life between closeness and coldness, love and suffering, always at the narrow degree of high flight and deep fall, a roller coaster of emotions, the purest nerve carousel. You have a toxic relationship with a toxic partner. There is no antidote yet. We talked to a couple therapist, Christian von Uhl, who explained us the signs of a toxic partner and why it is so difficult to break free.
Whether in religion, spirituality or neuroscience: Happiness is happiness. Even if our ideas and feelings differ, we all long for it. But sometimes happiness seems to have fallen a bit by the wayside. Above all in the wild everyday life, between occupation and partnership. How can one finally become happy again and why does it fail? We met with Mr. Dallwitz Wegner a happiness researcher and asked the expert for advice on “eternal happiness”.
Cloud my day, fog my mind. Evaporating myself. Melt into you. We two – one thing in common: Our emptiness. I knew no breath, since it was yours. No movement, since you ran. Each of your words soaked in my body. Every anaesthetic grew into my skin. Continue reading “Fiction: Withdrawal”→
Procrastination: Being trapped in a dream world that prevents us from living our dreams on the real one. My life so far was a steady monochord rhythm, two chords repeating day and night. I always thinking how the song would continue. As I turned my face to look at her on that spring afternoon, I heard the strings breaking. No more music. No more nothing. My body went completely numb. Continue reading “Fiction: Spring of Life – Chapter II”→
I’m naive. Very much. I didn’t notice that before, because I could blame it on my age. There it was still justified. Childlike carelessness. “Yes well, she’s still 17, she’s still learning that,” they said at the time. Meanwhile I’m 27 and it hasn’t got any better. Their head shaking. Always the same. And then there’s this slightly suggested smile and this: “Sweet.” Continue reading “Thoughts: I’m naive and I’m fine with it.”→
She can’t breathe. Crawling to get some air. A rope is wrapped around her throat. She’s trying to break from it. With every breath she feels the narrowness. The pulse stops as the rope tightens. Millions of insects crawling and spreading all over her body. As he slowly strokes her shoulder, each of her limbs shrugs.
“She played for the sake of pleasure and suffering”
She knew she had them by the hand. She knew how to hold the reins, how to play the right move. She always could. She had spun the spider’s web more and more, had always kept her prey close to her, until she was paralyzed, until nobody could move anymore. That’s how she did it with Marco. But Marco was only one of many.