Spring of Life – Part II

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Procrastination: Being trapped in a dream world that prevents us from living our dreams on the real one. My life so far was a steady monochord rhythm, two chords repeating day and night. I always thinking how the song would continue. As I turned my face to look at her on that spring afternoon, I heard the strings breaking.
No more music. No more nothing. My body went completely numb.  Continue reading “Spring of Life – Part II”

Spring of life – Part I

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I traded seagulls for ravens. On my backpack I had three days worth of clothes, and a toothbrush. On my heart I had a lifetime worth of dreams. I waited too long for this, and I wonder why… I don’t want to think that I was too long trapped in my fears, in my anxiety, such a cliché, right? I mean, being so aware of the cockroaches on my head I should have known better, shouldn’t I?

Continue reading “Spring of life – Part I”

I’m naive and I’m fine with it.

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I’m naive. Very much. I didn’t notice that before, because I could blame it on my age. There it was still justified. Childlike carelessness. “Yes well, she’s still 17, she’s still learning that,” they said at the time. Meanwhile I’m 27 and it hasn’t got any better. Their head shaking. Always the same. And then there’s this slightly suggested smile and this: “Sweet.”
Continue reading “I’m naive and I’m fine with it.”

Ich bin naiv und das ist gut so

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“Bei dem Wort Liebe fangen meine Augen an zu glühen.”

Ich bin naiv. Sogar sehr. Früher ist das nicht so aufgefallen, da konnte ich das noch auf mein Alter schieben. Da war es noch gerechtfertigt. Kindlicher Leichtsinn halt. „Ja gut, sie ist ja noch 17, sie lernt das schon noch“, haben sie damals gesagt. Mittlerweile bin ich 27 und es ist kein Stück besser geworden. Dieses Kopfschütteln. Immer dasselbe. Und dazu noch dieses leicht angedeutete Lächeln und dieses: „Süß.“ Continue reading “Ich bin naiv und das ist gut so”

The Big Drop

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There I was. Hoping and hopping. Eager to get something I don’t want. Apply. Put on your mask and smile. Study your cliché list, memorize it, some jokes maybe? No, too much. Who has time to laugh? Put your head down and let them absorb you. Feel the anxiety mixed with a monochord vomiting of words. Don’t fall asleep, soldier!
Your mamma is counting on you. You are getting to old to eat at her table. Aren’t you tired of being left out?

Continue reading “The Big Drop”

The Voyager II

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I’ve been floating for years only with the sound of my own voice. It shouts inside my head like in a long hall: “Is there anybody out there?” – The sound travels afar and it fades. Where am I? The smells, the faces, they are gone. My memory leaked into space, year by year, leaving an invisible trace. The route back is lost. Continue reading “The Voyager II”

I am alone but not lonely

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Short foreword: This article was published 2 years ago in an online magazine, a time when I was Single 😉 Maybe these words will help you, encourage or motivate you. That’s the main thing for us!

A lot of us don’t want to, can’t, can’t go around it. Many enjoy, love or hate it. Being alone, I notice that the word has a slightly negative echo. “I travel alone.” “I’m single.” It’s like I have to keep explaining myself.

Continue reading “I am alone but not lonely”

In the middle of nowhere – Warum sind wir so lost?

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„Ich weiß noch nicht, was ich machen möchte.“ Das ist einer der häufigsten Sätze, die ich in Berlin höre, wenn es um Partnerschaften, den Beruf oder ums Leben geht. „Vielleicht ist es besser, wenn wir gucken, wohin es läuft, was sich ergibt. Schauen wir mal.“ Das klingt plausibel: Dinge geschehen und auf sich zukommen zu lassen. So leicht und einfach. Aber wer trifft denn dann eine Entscheidung?

The Voyager Part I

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Everything is ready for lift off. Starry sky, the air is dry, a slight hot breeze promised us comfort against the heat but it never delivered. The time is 11pm, an August night. I’m at the top of antenna hill. The gateway to heaven. I can see the entire world merging with the stars. The one’s falling wave at me one last time as they disappear into to the dark.

Continue reading “The Voyager Part I”